DistinctiveStatic

A Matter of Efficiency

In which Steve is just so very Frat Boy. In the best way.

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Ships: Stony

Somehow, Steve is defying all known science about him and managing to get drunk. Regularly. Tony is determined to figure out how.

~~-*-~~

I genuinely lost my mind reading this fic, I think. The noises I made were inhuman. I laughed so fucking hard. It's a very sweet fic, with chaos that only happens with Steve and Tony being... well... Steve and Tony.

M is for Murder

Bucky Barnes, Freelance Assassin, needs commissions.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Ships: Steve/Bucky

I’m pretty low on funds and need to make ends meet this month, Barnes types slowly into a new post three days later. I’m taking commissions for hits in the New York City area.

Will Not Kill: Captain America or other Avengers. Will partially refund payment if target turns out to be HYDRA. Will not go to Jersey. No dismemberment or killing children. Message for negotiations and payment details.

~~-*-~~

God. I use 'yikEEs' on the regular. This is one of those ones I think about every time I get shawarma or a gyro. 10/10, cackled hysterically. Loved Clint's little cameo.

Side Bitch Out of Your League

The start of the Nurse Bucky saga (otherwise known as the Stop interrupting my grinding series).

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Ships: Steve/Modern Bucky

“I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who’s watching you live on TV,” Bucky tells him as the tiny patriotic figure on the screen takes the turns like he instructed. Bucky should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but honestly? After a tour in the Middle East and six years as a nurse in New York, even this isn’t enough to ruffle him. One sees a lot of shit in the ER. “Also, you better hang up now, that thing is behind the next bend.”

“Uh, okay,” Captain America says. “Thanks?”

“Whatever,” Bucky says, disconnects the call and turns the TV off to get ready for his shift.

~~-*-~~

This fic gets referenced so much in my house that we don't even bother giving context. We just hold up a meme or point at something, or pause, and one of us goes "Nurse Bucky" and the other one goes "yup".

It's a truly delightful romp and I very much recommend the read.

Do Every Stupid Thing

Tony and Jason and Bucky? What could possibly go wrong?

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Ships: Tony/Bucky/Jason

Jason doesn’t mean for the Winter Soldier to be a present for Tony Stark. The youngest Stark isn’t supposed to be involved at all.

The plan is simple: intervene before the Winter Soldier can murder Howard and Maria, tranq the Winter Soldier until he’s sufficiently incapacitated, and then drag him off for further study and let the Starks carry on with their fraught, bourgeoisie bullshit.

~~-*-~~

I'm always a huge fan of slightly homicidal devotion, and man, does this fic deliver. I wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did, because I wasn't a Batman fandom person, really, but I knew ThePartyResponsible wrote good shit, so I dove in. I'm so glad I did. Hijinks, love, and absolute chaos, all wrapped in a trio that love as fiercely as they fight.

if you were a mythical thing

In which Clint is oblivious, Bucky is a werewolf, and everything is cute.

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Ships: Clint/Bucky

After winding up in hot water with the Ukrainian mob, Clint finds himself relocating to a small town in northern Indiana to work as an elementary school gym teacher, and finds his new home invaded by a series of suspiciously wolfish puppies determined to be Lucky's BFFs, and his life invaded by over zealously friendly neighbors determined to feed him. In a startling twist of events, three of his favorite students happen to be his next door neighbors, along with their ruinously hot single dad Bucky, who proves to be just as enamored of Clint as he is of Bucky.

What follows is a classic rendition of thirsting over the hot neighbor, bizarre small-town behavior, and so many puppies.

~~-*-~~

This is a comfort fic. I love it so much. No A/B/O dynamics, if you're wondering; instead it's all werewolves and all wonderful and extremely cute. 10/10 wolfy grins.

A Matter of Efficiency

Please see above.

Do Every Stupid Thing

Please see above.

A Matter of Efficiency

Please see above.

Do Every Stupid Thing

Please see above.

if you were a mythical thing

Please see above.

M is for Murder

Please see above.

Side Bitch Out of Your League

Please see above.

The Fountain of Youth Job

The Leverage: Redemption team are hired to investigate Merrick Pharmaceuticals following a suspicious death in South Sudan. They embark on a con, infiltrate Merrick's HQ… and find some unexpected prisoners in his research lab.

Rating: General Audience

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Spoilers for The Old Guard

Inspired by this genius post -- thank you @chimaerakitten:

There are at least 31 leverage/the old guard crossovers on AO3 and yet I’m pretty sure none of them have gone the objectively funniest route wherein the third act of TOG goes entirely off the rails because Parker Hardison and Eliot were halfway through scamming Merrick and happen to have already been in the building when Andy gets dragged in

~~-*-~~

God, I just love everything about this fic. The banana. Hardison and Brianna. Elliot fixing his hair. This fic isn't fanfiction, it's just a transcribed unaired episode, I STG. Love love love. You do not have to watch The Old Guard to enjoy this, it's pretty self-explanatory.

The Fountain of Youth Job

Please see above.